Here's What I'm Thinking

June 25, 2014

Not counting the issue that hit newsstands last weekend, who was on the cover the last time the Baylor Bears were the solo featured cover school on Dave Campbell’s Texas Football magazine? Extra Credit if you know when? A side bar for the uninformed. Dave Campbell’s Texas Football (DCFT) magazine is the bible of Texas football. Wait bible and Texas football in the same sentence harbors on the redundant. I would rather read Texas Football than Cosmo or Vanity Fair. But I digress. That’s right, texas university, once again the cover is not THE University. Baylor, THEE University, is. Last year the cover was Johnny Athlete. Today, a short, skinny, white boy gets drafted by the Harlem Globetrotters? Now that is historic. Doesn’t that just chap your communications department, texas? Trying to figure how to spin the fact that you were not picked first, second or even third in the Big 12 Conference? Three schools north on Interstate 35 were picked ahead of you. I believe their names are in order of ranking: Oklahoma, where the wind comes whistling down the plains of Dallas, Oklahoma State, where those Cowboys know what to do with a steer, and Baylor, who can pray the hell out of you. One never knows what Texas Tech will bring. Football speaking. We all know they bring frozen tortillas, goal posts suitable for shoving into an opposing crowd and racial comments that would make Jim Crow blush. But you are Strong, tu, and I do hope you find a quarterback. Meanwhile, Baylor, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Texas A&M all miss you in the Top 25 Rankings. Grant Teaff. 1975.

Monday, June 23, 2014

I bought a Sunday edition of the newspaper, the Bryan Eagle, yesterday. Since I am continuing to acclimate myself to this new environment, I thought it would behoove me to get some ideas about possible social events and perhaps even some part time employment. From the week long calendar of events, I see on Wednesday there is a social event called “A Girl & A Gun Breakfast and Bullets Meeting at 10 am.” There is a number to call for more information. On Friday, there is the “Brazos County Senior Citizens Association potluck luncheon. Visitors welcome.” Doesn’t that sound tasty? On the possible employment side, there were two ads in the classified section that caught my eye. One is a “Parking Buddy.” Here is the description: “Secure the entrance of the parking lot as you greet the customers entering for football games or public events. Expect a lot of public interaction while providing customer service and traffic direction. Background check required. $8.50/hr.” Let me see if I understand. You want me to stand on my feet all day and be polite to the asshole from the opposing team, who is drunk, (remember it is the SEC), and is trying to park his car somewhere besides where I am telling him? All of this, rain or shine for $8.50/hr? No. This job sounds much easier. “Dancers Needed: Apply in Person at Silk Stockings Lounge 4047 Highway 6 S CS.” Here is the best part. “Every Wednesday is Amateur Night. First Place $100.” I wonder if there are age brackets? Where are my tassels? I have one from Stephen F. Austin that says BS ‘67 and another from Texas A&M that says Ph.D.’85. I can be a dancing scholar. I am going to practice now.

June 19, 2014

Random Thursday Thoughts

Obviously, The Beat Does Not Go On. The high end headphones, Beats, are not allowed at the World Games. It seems the headphones have gone the way of the vuvuzela and the caxirola due to branding and advertising (read MONEY). The FIFA has a licensing agreement with Sony Electronics. The old advertising line that Sony is “The One and Only” is alive and well. I wonder how the Sony headphones will stand up when Team USA plays in the rainforest on Sunday. I wonder who the hydration company is because everybody is going to need to drink in those temperatures and humidity. I doubt if it is that hot in Cleveland, Ohio, home of one of the newest millionaire. Yes, I feel certain HB is turning over in the grave hearing that a 20 year old something makes that kind of money for throwing a ball. What does it say about any society that we will pay that much to watch athletes, yet let people live in poverty? However, conversely to paraphrase Casey Stengal and others “It ain’t bragging if you can do it.” And Casey Stengal takes us to the College World Series. Feed The Frog!! Oh, it is Fear the Frog for TCU? I think feed the frog might work better since in the Virginia game, the last meal the players ate was at 3:00 PM and the 15 inning game went well past 11 o’clock. I don’t care how many protein bars you eat (and they were running out of those too), you are hungry. So stock up and tune in. Frog Power!

June 18, 2014

Johnny Money Manzeil

The Cleveland Browns signed their first-round quarterback to a four-year contract on Tuesday. According to media reports, including from Cleveland.com, the deal is for about $8.25 million, includes a $4.3 million signing bonus, $6.7 million guaranteed and a club option for a fifth year.

Kinda makes that money sign after a touchdown ring true, don’t it?

Friday, June 13, 2014 – Full Moon

RUMBA!

Let’s Get Ready to Rumba! Or perhaps vacuum the floors. Or the dance African-Cuban dance whose name comes from the Cuban Spanish word” rumbo” which means party.The major musical instrument for the rumba is congas.I wonder if you can take those to the World Cup since hooters are not allowed. Or perhaps a rumba something for dinner from the meat department in the grocery store.Perhaps the HEB in Austin had rumba meats, but I had never heard of them until I saw them in the Kroger meat case. What is (are) rumba meats? A Google search (http://www.rumbameats.com/) of the website reveals the following definition (and I use the term definition loosely):

Rumba® meats provide essential ingredients for the treasured traditional dishes around the globe and the culinary world’s latest and most cutting edge creations. We are committed to bringing you the highest quality specialty cuts where you shop. We celebrate diversity and cultural traditions. We ignite creativity and spark the imagination in meal creation. But the flavors you create with Rumba meats aren’t just food, they are something altogether more special. So special, we call them Foods of the Soul®.

I have read their definition several times and I still do not know what type of meat rumba is. For all I know, since I live near an agricultural research university,this could be some type of experimental hybrid meat developed in the laboratories of the Meat Science Department at Texas A&M and being test marketed at the local Kroger market. It might be a cross between a rooster and a zebra. A two legged, furry, black and white striped animal with a beak and a red comb and a log wispy tail. There are six advertisements on the rumba meat website. One is for rumba food; one is a list of gluten free rumba (?) and the other four are for dog and cat food.

On a similar note, I noted that an Asian market in Austin was closed by the Health Department for selling pizzle for human consumption. “Pizzle is” – not only a great word for Words With Friends – “it is the common term for beef penis and in the U.S. it’s mostly used in dog treats or rendered for use in glue.” So I could give my dog a shot of Elmer’s Glue next time he wants a treat?

Here’s what I’m thinking. And you are thinking it too! I am thinking rumba meat might make me become a vegetarian.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Yesterday, June 10, was Donald Duck’s 80th birthday. DD is the only Disney-created character who has a middle name. What is it? Thursday, is George H. W. (41) Bush’s birthday too. He will be 90 years old. Sock it to ‘em, 41! Did you know that both Donald Duck and George H. W. served in the Navy? Donald was initially drafted into the Army in Donald Duck Gets Drafted produced in 1942. It was in Duck Tales though, that Donald joins the Navy and pretty much swims away from the big screen leaving his three nephews, Huey, Dewey and Louie, in the care of Uncle Scrooge McDuck. Of course Donald Duck would go on to entertain us all on Saturday mornings on the little screen in our living rooms. However, it was the Der Fuehrer’s Face that would win the Academy Award for Best Animated Short in 1942. In this anti-Nazi propaganda (like who needs propaganda to not like Nazis?) the world sees Germany through Donald’s eyes during Hitler’s Third Reich. Meanwhile George H. W. Bush was really helping to win the real war. The Bush Library is having a 90th birthday party on Thursday. Free cake! And Blue Bell ice cream! Neither George H. W. nor his lovely, bride, Barbara will attend. However, one is encouraged to wear crazy socks. If one does not have any crazy socks, you may purchase a pair at the library for $41.00. I am glad I purchased a pair of red shorts, should I choose to attend. On Donald’s Selective Service Draft Card in DD Gets Drafted, one learns his middle name is Fauntleroy. Donald Fauntleroy Duck. George H.W. is seen more and more with crazy socks. I bet if Donald Duck wore pants, we could wear Fauntleroy Slacks.