Here's What I'm Thinking

Wednesday, August 19, 2014

Match the following word with its correct definition. 1. Erotica, 2. Eureka, 3. Errata and 4. Eroica.

1. A symphony by Beethoven, B. 50 Shades of Gray, C. Errata – a listing of mistakes or errors in writing and D. I found it.

If you said 3, Errata as C – a listing of mistakes or errors in writing, you pass the test and can pass to the next grade or graduate from high school. So today is errata day. I noticed, because there are still so many bags on the shelf, that the new Lay’s Potato Chip flavor is Wasabi Ginger. Not Wasabi Vinegar as I once thought. Personally, I think Wasabi Ginger makes a nice name for a stripper and I am seriously considering it. The other major errata concerns Mr. Mercer of “I’m gonna whip your ass” fame.  In the entry where I was going to whip some golf course’s ass, I listed the man’s name as Lee Roy Mercer. Two people said, “You mean Roy D. Mercer, right?” Actually, both of us are correct. From the all-knowing Wikipedia:

Brent Douglas and Phil Stone, disc jockeys on KMOD-FM, a rock radio station, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, created the Roy D. Mercer character in 1993.

Many claim that Roy D. Mercer was inspired by “Leroy Mercer,” a character created in Tennessee by John Bean, who made prank calls circulated by hand-to-hand tape exchange in the early 1980s. Leroy Mercer, voiced by John Bean, also called individuals and businesses threatening an “ass-whuppin.” Douglas and Stone claimed the name is coincidental.  Roy D. Mercer uses some of the lines from Leroy Mercer.  Well, mercy me.

Answer Key – 4A. 3C. 1B. and 2D.

Sorry, I forgot to press PUBLISH on Friday.

BTHO SC – Friday, August 15, 2014

I am counting down the days. It is only a few more days until the Aggies travel to South Carolina. But Spurriering along – what is the difference between a Game Cock and chicken? Perhaps I will conduct a research study to differentiate between the two types of fowl before game time. Here are a couple of pictures from Thursday’s mini Yell Practice.

Happy Weekend and Gig ‘Em Aggies.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

It is a big day for Whooping and hollering. Those sounds your hear in the South will be the schools of the SEC Network going live and saying hello. The network actually goes live at 5:00 CST today. But each of the schools was asked to give a grand hello. The Fighting Texas Aggies will be recorded at 12:45 at the Ring Plaza. There will be a special Yell Practice. Need you ask? Of course I am going. Then from 4 – 6 is the free beer at Aggieland Outfitters. Not much happens here, aside from your usual robberies, assaults, and drug busts, so this is big in BCS. And we all know that college football in the South is like church. I am excited about the SEC network except for one thing. Of all the people who know and understand sports, especially college sports, why in the hell does the SEC have Brent Musburger? I doubt Musberger has ever worn a jock strap. He is the best you can do? So now he can oogle and comment on all of the girls in the stadium and not just Alabama ones? Oh well, there is a MUTE button on the remote. And when I pick up my remote this evening and turn it to 702 there better be some SEC stuff going on or you know what? I will go down there and kick somebody’s ass.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Every Christmas my nephew in law gets a CD of Lee Roy Mercer. He is a comedian who is always dissatisfied with a service, and makes prank calls to the business and proceeds to threaten to come down and whip somebody’s ass. We listen to this while opening presents Christmas morning. Granted it is a strange Christmas tradition, but I have grown to like the guy and his style of humor. This morning would have been a perfect morning and my conversation, ala Lee Roy Mercer, would have gone like this (with all due respect and non-violation of any infringement stuff):

Briarcrest Country Club (BCC): Hello, Briarcrest Golf Shop.
Me: Is this the Briarcrest Golf shop?
BCC: Yes.
Me: I want to talk to the person in charge.
BCC: I am in charge. How can I help you?
Me: I am fixing to come down there and whip your ass. I am not a happy golfer.
BCC: What’s wrong?
Me: I joined last month, which was a nightmare to do, and now I cannot get a tee time online and I am gonna come down there and whip somebody’s ass and find out why not.
BCC: Well, our accountant is learning the new software and she is having to reenter…
Me: Well, I will whip her ass too. Is she a big girl? How big are you? You one of them fat John Daley kinda golfers or one those skinny Rory Mcilroy types? I bet I can whip both your asses. How fast a runner are you?
BCC: We are switching accounting software programs and upgrading the system to…
Me: I don’t want to play golf with accounting software and the system is broken; I want to get a tee time and I want to play golf on your golf course and I am having trouble doing it. Now are you gonna fix it or am I going have to come down there and whip your ass? I will give you a Big Bertha Driver ass whipping, you hear?
BCC: I see. Well, this new software…
Me: Once again, I do not care about the accountant or software. I just want it fixed and I don’t want to have to come over there to get a tee time. I want it fixed or I am gonna come down there, over to your clubhouse and whip your ass. You ever had a box of Titleist Whip Ass thrown at you?
BCC: No ma’am.
Me: Well I can come down there and throw one on you. Now are you getta this fixed or am I gonna have to get in my car and come down there and whip your ass with a putter?
BCC: What time would you like to play tomorrow?
Me: 8:00 AM
BCC: That time is yours.
Me: Thank you for the bag of tees. Good bye now. If you are here tomorrow at 8:00 am I am gonna whip your ass before I tee off.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Position Paper # 1 – A Call for Systemic Change in the Public Educational Institution in the United States
The following paper is presented at the Here’s What I’m Thinking impromptu Thursday conference called The Educational Institution – Mediocrity at its Best.

Since a Nation At Risk was published when books were made from paper, we have watch changes occur in the educational institution of America. Most of it is not good making teaching a pretty risky business. It is a wonder instruction is even considered as an element of the school day, which by the way is 24/7. Administrators, teachers and staff must shelter, protect, feed and test students, who do not have English as a third or fourth language, let alone as a second, while not violating any of anyone’s civil and/or constitutional rights or religious beliefs. A former Texas Commissioner of Education used to say “The students are not negotiable.” Neither is this requirement. “The wearing of pants is not negotiable.” It seems an Oklahoma high school teacher was arrested on her first day on the job allegedly appearing at school drunk and without wearing pants. The said teacher was arrested on suspicion of public intoxication when teachers said they walked into a classroom to find her intoxicated and partially dressed, though no students were present. Therefore it is the position of this author that pants must be worn while in a public school setting. Contact your legislative representative encouraging him or her to pass legislation requiring pants in the classroom. For those of you in the TEA Party and on the SBOE, this translates into a statue that reads like this – “Thou shall not run nekked in the schools, unless Jesus did it.”

But wait, there’s more! The teacher was allowed to keep her job with a one-week suspension. Fire that person! Is the educational institution so hard up that it must keep extremely overweight, intoxicated, san pants teachers in the system? Now that mediocrity at its finest.