Here's What I'm Thinking

September 6, 2021 – Happy Labor Day

It’s My Week 1 Monday after College Football Awards Presentations

Our first award and the first of the season is the Poopy Undies Award.  Poopy Undies Awards go to teams and their fans for being frightened of losing – Especially if the team is supposed to win big. May I have the football, please? The winner is Ooooooklahoma, where the Wave almost all swept across the plains. That was not a great debutant debut for you, OU, for the SEC. OU 45- Tulane 35.

Coming in at Number 2 in the Poopy Undies is Notre Dame.  Obviously, all that glitters is not gold, but it was close.

Notre Dame 41 Florida State 38 in OT.

I will give a Shart Out Award to Texas A&M for trailing Kent State by only touchdown at half-time.   

 The next category is Yowzer WOWzer Contender Award. It goes to the teams that look like January Contenders in Week One.  There is a tie for First Place. First Place Footballs go to Alabama and Georgia. Both teams showed Greatest Flashes.

Alabama 44 – Miami 13

Georgia 10 – Clemson 3

Speaking of Flashes (Get it??) The Third Place Football goes to Texas A&M. There were some Contender Flashes. The King is not yet crowned, but I didn’t see anything that Jimbo can’t fix.  Aggies 41 – Kent State Golden Flashes – 10.

The Great Comeback Award is awarded to teams that come from behind. This award goes to the Bulldogs of Mississippi State to score 35 points in the second half for the biggest comeback in school history.

Also receiving The Great Comeback Award are The Guns Up! Tortilla School. The Red Raiders of Wreck ‘Em Tech came from behind to beat the University of Houston 38-21. It is nice that you continue and get these rivalries started for whatever your new conference is called.

The Faded Rose Bowl Performance Award goes to LSU. LSU 27 UCLA 38. Why are you Tigers even out there? It is the Pacific Ocean, not Bayou Pacific.

THE University of Texas beat Louisiana 38 to 18. You do realize that Louisiana is not LSU?

The Last Award is the Why There Needs to be More Female Architects.

The Uterus of Texas!

Friday, September 3, 2021, The Post Pandemic Reprisal of Here’s What I’m Thinking

Back by popular demand, here is SNARKY FOOTBALL FRIDAY!

Granted NCAA college football began last week. We could have viewed Nebraska and Illinois in a No One Cares Unless You Went There Game. I am quite certain that a Texas 6A powerhouse high school team could have defeated either team.

And there were football games Wednesday and Thursday. And there is football tonight on Friday.  You can watch live. You can record and watch. You can download. You can stream. You can Hula. You can Peacock. However you want to watch your team, there is a technology available.

But to refresh your memory, I only write about football teams I like and teams that play teams I like. And since I have grown older, there are fewer things I like, including football teams.

Nevertheless, let’s see a preview of the chosen few that we will look at this season.

In the bloody Mary morning game at 11:00, we have:

Oklahoma University @ Tulane, except the game is in Norman. Even though your mascot is The Green Wave, Tulane, it is difficult to play when giant waves have just ravaged your city and state.  Please be safe and watch out for snakes – especially Rattlers.

Get the errands done because the afternoon game of the week at 2:30 features:

The Crimson Tide of Alabama and the Miami Hurricanes 2:30 on ABC.  Water, water everywhere and oh the TIDE ROLLS on.

But don’t put down that remote because at 3:30 on FOX we have Louisiana and THE UNIVERSITY of Texas. New coach. New QB. Same old stuff.  

Gather more snacks and drinks and get ready for a dog and cat fight at 6:30 on ABC between the Georgia Bulldogs and the Clemson Tigers. This is a big one right off the kickoff. UGA and DABO. Somebody’s going down.

Check in on FOX to see the score between LSU and UCLA. Talk about a class of cultures. Game is 7:30.

Of course yours truly will be tuned to ESPNU at 7:00 to watch the Fighting Texas Aggies welcome the Golden Flashes of Kent State to Kyle Field. To the Flashes: Be glad you are not playing Rice University. The Marching Owl Band (The MOB) would probably play a Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young song. Ouch!

The Texas Aggies have not played a down this season, but Jimbo got an extension and a raise. With all that science stuff going on at the RELLIS Campus, Jimbo will probably be preserved and continue to coach until he wins as many National Championships as Saint Saban.

Next week I shall discuss The Big 12 Conference, which was really only ten and is now eight. Don’t worry though. I see the Mormons are coming.

BTHO Kent State

Wear the mask. Do not ingest livestock dewormer. You are NOT a cow.

Wednesday, December 30, 2020 – New Year’s Eve Eve

As we begin looking back to 2020 and looking forward 2021…

For Christmas Eve dinner my family and I had chicken and dumplings. They were particularly good. But have you noticed when you mention chicken and dumplings someone always says, “but they were not as good as so and so’s.” In, our family it was Nellie May Buckalew. Many say, “my Grandmother made the best ever or my Mama made the best.” Chicken and dumplings make memories that last.

While Nellie May’s dish was a family favorite, there was another lady from Magnolia who made outstandingly delicious C&D!  Here is the recipe from one of the sweetest women you would have ever meet if you attended the Magnolia Methodist Church – Faye Abney Neely.

From the 1970 Magnolia United Methodist Church Cookbook

Favorite Recipes from

The Magnolia United Methodist Church Women’s Society of Christian Service (WSCS)

President: Nancy Purvis

VP: Judy Levassar (?)

Secretary: Mildred Rickett

Treasurer: Inez Dupree

Faye Abney Neely’s Chicken and Dumplings

One hen or one large fryer

2 cups sifted flour

1 tsp salt

¼ tsp. baking powder

2 tbsp. shortening

2/3 to ¾ cup of milk

Cut up chicken, cover with water; add seasoning and cook until tender.

Sift together dry ingredients; cut in the shortening. Add milk to make a stiff yet rollable dough. Roll out ¼ inch thick on floured board. Cut into 1×3 inch strips. Remove chicken from broth. Drop in dumplings a few at a time, continuing until all added, then cover and simmer for about 15 minutes. Add the chicken, which has been picked off the bones.

Thank you, Faye and to all the WSCS women. Here are a few names of contributors you might recall: Joyce Rickett, Grace Moore, Mildred Ricket (Love her recipe: Bo’s Turnips!), Betty Carraway, Nina Ricket, Louise O’Neal and of course, My Mama, Doy Duffey and many others.

Let me know if you remember/want any of their recipes.

I plan to make chicken and dumplings in the coming days. I will let you know.

Wear your mask! Stay safe! Good things are coming in 2021!

Monday, December 21, 2020 – Robbery in College Station

Bonnie and Clyde could not have robbed the Aggies any better than the College Football Playoff Committee did.

Ohio State? Six Games? I hope Clemson beats the stuffings out of you and that all of the players and coaches have jock itch until Easter!

Notre Dame? Your schedule included Wake Forest and Georgia Tech! The Two top 20 teams you beat were Clemson (which you had to go to double OT – even with the Clemson back-up QB) and North Carolina. I hope the Alabama Crimson Tide rolls over the team, the Leprechaun, Brian Kelley, the Gipper, the Four Horseman, Knute Rockne, Ronald Reagan (when he was an actor, not a POTUS), the Victory March and any other of your traditions. I want Bama stomp you like an elephant and that Alabama and Nick Saban score so many points it becomes unsportsmanlike and three digits won’t fit on the scoreboard! ROLL TIDE!

Kirk Herbstreit? If I ever see you in Bryan or College Station, I will kick your biased butt from College Station to Hearne and back. And there will be 12 others waiting to do it again. You did not even give Texas A&M a comment! One would think you used to play for The Ohio State University! I hope you have an uncurable strain of jock itch!

BTHO North Carolina

Friday, December 11, 2020 – Snarky Friday aka – The Vaccine Cannot Come Soon Enough

This week’s SNARK goes totally to the COVID-19 Virus. Over 118 NCAA DI college football games have been cancelled this year. I am not going to waste time and energy trying to find who is not playing this weekend. I know the Texas Aggies are not playing due to Ole Miss COVID-19.

You can start your morning with a heavy side of bacon when Alabama rolls over Arkansas at 11:00 on ESPN.

There is Baylor and Oklahoma State on ESPN at 2:30. A game strictly to be played for pride and recruiting. Wait! If the Cowboys win, they go to Big 12 Playoff! Doesn’t matter. The Big 12 Championship Trophy does not reside in a trophy case in a Texas Institution of Higher Education!

If there is interest, Tennessee and Vanderbilt play on the SEC Network at 3:00. See how hot the coaching seat gets for Pruitt!

During the evening on ESPN there is LSU and Florida at 6:00. It will be a long ride from the swamp back to the bayou. Kyle pads his Heisman stats.

Auburn goes to Starkville to Mississippi State on the SEC Network at 6:30. Let the cow bells ring!

BIG SNARK to the Big 10 – Change the rules from six to five so Ohio State can play. Let’s have a big cheer for Northwestern in next week’s (hopefully) Big 10 Championship. Go You, Northwestern!

Because there is little football of interest, I have noted a few other “sports” that I have found while channel surfing. Perhaps these can fill your need for sports, especially football.

Of course there is the ever popular game at tailgates (remember tailgating?) of cornhole. Participants throw bean bags into a hole on a tilted wooden slab. Yes, there is actually a National Championship in this so called sport with a take-home prize of $20,000.

Then there is frisbee golf. This is where participants toss a plate looking disc through trees toward a metal structure. The 10 minutes I watched noted there was a prize of $20,000 for the winner. I do think frisbee golf is a great game. It is one where you can drink and smoke and still toss the disc.

There is log-rolling. I was unaware that it had become a middle school sport. I wonder why we didn’t do this at Stephen F. Austin. We are the Lumberjacks!

https://youtu.be/524ALMgwABY

BTHO COVID! STAY SAFE! WEAR THE DAMN MASK!

Monday, December 7, 2020 – My Monday After College Football Musical

As you will note there are no awards for college football because quite frankly no teams deserve an honor for anything. Be happy you were able to play and that you have a W in your column. However, not to disappoint you I am sharing the opening songs of my new musical which I am calling The Assterick College Football Playoff Musical. Ready?

The opening number features the Texas Aggies of Texas A&M pleading to the College Football Playoff Committee.

Of course there must a retort, so here we have the College Football Playoff Committee singing to A&M.

Go Big Blue – BTHO Ohio State!

WEAR YOUR MASK and BTHO COVID!

Monday, November 30, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Of course the first award is the Susan B. Anthony and Bela Abzug Kicks Like a Girl Award and it goes to Vanderbilt and Sarah Fuller – first woman to kick in a Power 5 Conference football game.  Ms. Fuller, of the Vanderbilt soccer team, kicked off to start the Third Quarter in the Vandy/ Missouri game. Many were disappointed that it was a perfectly placed kick with no return as opposed to a power kick with possible return. If you follow the Vandy team, you know that they tackle like grandmas (score was 41 – 0.) so a placement kick was warranted. Perhaps Sarah can play other positions. And maybe Vandy could bring in some of the big girls from basketball.

I award The University of Texas the Nursery Rhyme Award for

Oh dear what can the matter be

Oh dear what can the matter be

Oh dear what can the matter be

BEVO is only just fair.

Texas comes up short, again!

This guy dragged yours up and down the alley.  I am giving THE University of Texas The Righteous Brothers Award because the Texas Exes are singing this to the coaches:

You’ve lost that loving feeling,

whoho that loving feeling,

Now it’s gone, gone, gone wohohohoho Yeah

Coach Herman. Nashville is a lovely city. Check Vanderbilt’s coaching needs.

Baylor, wearing all school bus yellow, kicked a last second field to break their loosing streak and win over K-State. 32 to 31. Sic ‘Em Bears! Let’s give the Bears the Donovan Award and call them Mellow Yellow Baylor.

I am giving Mississippi State and Mike Leach a Good Try Certificate. When receivers can catch, it really makes a difference.  To Kiffie and Ole Miss I give the Dan Quale Award for the Potatoe Bowl victory of 24 to 31.

In the Iron Bow, the Tide went Sabanless but it really did not matter. Nevertheless the award for Best Substitute Coaches goes the Alabama coaching staff. Auburn 13 Alabama 42.

To Kellen Mond and the Aggie Offense I award The Oil Can Award. You looked as rusty as the Tin Man. Auburn and Gus left Tuscaloosa very unhappy. So grease it up Aggies and grease up early because the game is the dreaded hour of 11:00 in Jordan-Hare Stadium.

Coach O? You receive the Rainy Night in Kyle Field Award. It poured a steady rain, sometimes heavy rain throughout the Aggie/LSU game. While all of the other coaches were in rain gear, from top to bottom, Coach O wore his khaki pants and purple polo. Rain don’t bother a real Cajun!

The Non-Participant Award goes to Ohio State and Illinois for their canceled due to COVID contest.  Is there a possible forthcoming rule change? You don’t really have to play, let alone win six games, we’ll just add you because you are Ohio State?

WEAR YOUR MASK! BTHO COVID!

Friday, November 27, 2020 – Black Snarky Friday

One of my friend’s husband asked what is “Black Friday?” She told him it was the day the husband gave their wife the credit card and said, “Have fun Honey!”

Like Black Friday bargains, we must begin an early snark because there are early football games on Friday. And it is Rivalry Week.

We can start the football black Friday with THE University of Texas still in search of a quality Thanksgiving rivalry playing Iowa State on ABC at 11:00.  Had only Justin Tucker’s kick not been good, the Aggies might still be around.  Oh well, the Aggies are number Five you’re not.  

Nebraska and Iowa in The Corn Bowl at 12 on Fox. Unless you attended either of these institutions, you really do not care.

Playing for the Platypus Trophy we find Oregon and Oregon State at 4:30 ESPN – Ducks and Beavers in ugly iridescent uniforms.  

Saturday at 11:00 in the morning, as of this writing time, we have Number Four Ohio State bringing their whopping four games played against Illinois State on FS 1. Watch out for a COVID cancel.

At 11:00 on ESPN we have Kentucky and Florida. Wildcats get beaten up for a second week in a row. Meanwhile, Kyle Trask just might replace Tim Tebow as Florida’s favorite Heisman winner.

We also have Texas Tech and Oklahoma State on FOX at 11:00.  Yawn.

What the morning may lack, the afternoon firmly makes up for.  It starts with the Iron Bowl between Auburn and Alabama at 2:30 CBS. CBS? Not Gary Daniels’ mouth! But as anyone familiar with football knows, it is better to have a sister in a whorehouse than a brother who graduated from Auburn. Wishing Nick a speedy recovery. So let’s yell! WHEN I SAY ‘TUSCA’, THEN YOU SAY ‘LOOSA’ When I say Nick, then you say Saban!  Roll Tide!

Grab the remote to not only mute Gary Daniels, but Notre Dame and North Carolina kickoff at 2:30 on ABC.  Bless Me, Father for I have sinned, and I really want North Carolina to win. Come on, Irish, you come dragging your asparagus pee colored helmets and pants, into the Number Two spot after playing who? Duke? South Florida? Georgia Tech?

In the state of Mississippi the Egg Bowl between Mississippi State and Ole Miss on the SEC Network at 3:00 might hold interest. Beat Ole Miss, Mike and you can be a pirate.

For those who graduated from either of these and have nothing better to watch there is Baylor and Kansas-State at 6:00 on ESPN 2.

But at 6:00 on ESPN from beautiful, limited ticketed stadium seating Kyle Field, the Tigers from LSU take on the Number Five ranking fighting Texas Aggies. Here is a quiz for you. How many times will the announcers in the opening minutes mention the last meeting between these two teams in Kyle Field? Seven Overtimes? An immediate NCAA rule change? I understand the Tigers will be led by a Freshman QB. Dude? Welcome to the still very loud, Kyle Field. BTHO LSU!

Enjoy your turkey sandwiches. Wear Your Mask. BTHO COVID.

Monday, November 23, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

But first, let us pray.

Lord, please make the COVID go away. Let us all soon receive a vaccine to protect us. Bless all of the teams, coaches, bands, and everybody associated with college football so we can have some really good TV games and not have to watch Abilene Christian and Virginia. Amen.

This was a weird and crappy weekend for college football due to the Rona. Therefore, I am postponing awards until teams I like and teams that play teams I like, either play or do not blow the other team away.

BTHO COVID!

WEAR YOUR MASK!

Friday, November 20, 2020 – Snarky Friday

Postponed

• Texas A&M and Ole Miss
• THE University of Texas and Kansas
• Georgia Tech and Miami

Just flat out canceled

• Central Arkansas and Louisiana
• UL Monroe and Louisiana Tech

“Whomdoes that leave us upon which to snark?” That is from Shakespeare, I am pretty sure.  For Whom the Snark Tolls is from Hemmingway.  

First of all, I think Kansas should get the win even thought the game is postponed. Just because it THE University.

At 11:00 am we have The Blow Outs. This is an opportune time to run errands – grocery store, car wash, and such like things. Games should be extremely one sided save for Indiana Jones University and Ohio State University.

The 11:00 am games include, but are not limited to:

Florida and Vanderbilt on ESPN 11:00 – That in and of itself is a snark.

LSU and Arkansas on the SEC Network 11:00 – This has the potential of an upset, granted a mild one at this point of the season.

 # 9 Indiana # 3 Ohio State at 11:00 am – Tell me again how both of you are ranked in the Top 10. You have not played a combined 10 games, have you?

Clemson and Florida State on ABC at 11:00 am. Trevor is back from his COVID quarantine. Florida State is not back from much of anything.

Finally, in the afternoon, we have:

Kentucky and Alabama 3:00 on the SEC Network. Alabama should probably be up there with The Blow Outs. I mean after all, Kentucky barely escaped with a victory from Vanderbilt last weekend.

Nothing spectacular until nightfall (which is about 5:30 CST).

Tennessee and Auburn 6:00 ESPN – Hmm. Tennessee has not played a game in 14 days. Auburn has not played a game in 21 days. Rocky Top really needs a win, but I doubt it will be against Auburn.

Mississippi State and Georgia 6:30 on the SEC Network in a Battle (sort of) of the Bulldogs. Another welcome to the SEC for Mike and State. Welcome to Between the Hedges and to Georgia. Ensure UGA and Bully have had their shots.

And then BEDLAM! Oklahoma State and Oklahoma 6:30 on ABC.

When was the last time Oklahoma State was ranked higher than OU for the Bedlam game? May I offer each team a suggestion based on past appearances. HOLD ON TO THE DAMN FOOTBALL!

And again, why are you listed below here in the top?

# 2 ND *

 # 11 Oregon *

# 10 Wisconsin *

*Just wanted to ensure you have a big old Assterick by your name.

BTHO COVID. Wear your mask! Stay safe.