Monthly Archives: October 2014

Monday, October 20, 2014

I do not know if A&M has a traditional song when they get the crap beat out of them, but if it did it might begin with “As we descend into another season of mediocrity; we search for words to describe how the wheels fell off the bus…” I have three college degrees, enough certifications to paper a small room and an online Thesaurus, and I have no words for the Disaster in Tuscaloosa.  However, We are the Aggies; the Aggies are we.

So on to the Monday after Saturday College Football Awards – Week 8.

And Then There Were Four Award goes to Florida State, Marshall, Mississippi State and Ole Miss for being the remaining undefeated teams.  Let’s go Marshall.

The Point Award goes to Kansas State for blocking the point after attempt and winning by a single point against OU and taking the lead in the Big 12.

The Guns-up Award goes to Texas Tech because their leading receiver was injured in an off campus shooting.

The Get a Kicker Award goes to Oklahoma for missing two field goals and having an extra point blocked and falling from title contention in the Big 12.

The Come on Baby Light My Fire Award goes to West Virginia University for beating Baylor and then causing street riots. “Morgantown (home of WVU) and WVU have been trying for years to end the long-standing tradition of setting fires to celebrate athletic victories.” This sounds like some hillbilly custom. I wonder what they do if WVU actually wins a title.

The Eye of the Tiger Award goes to Uncle Will Muschamp as the seat gets hotter at Florida.

The award for Astrological Sign of the Rising Star in the West goes to LSU.  Just in time to peak for Thanksgiving.

The Freddie Mercury Award for Another One Bites the Dust goes to the Baylor Bears with Honorable Mention going to Notre Dame.

The Forrest Gump Award for Stupid is as Stupid Does goes to Texas A&M for looking challenged on both offense and defense. Alabama even wore the same uniforms shown in FG.

But my favorite award this Monday goes to the refereeing crew for the Baylor/West Virginia.  The refs were recent graduates from the Hellen Keller School for Officiating and they said to the crowd at one point “Please stop throwing objects on the field.”   So the How Ironic and Keep the Yellow Flag in Your Pants Award goes to the referees for penalizing Baylor 18 times for a Big 12 record of 215 yards penalized.

Here’s to Peyton Manning for breaking the record by throwing 509 career touchdown passes.  Way to go, Peyton.  This puts him at the top of the list of the greatest quarterback icons to play the game of professional football.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

I broke my butt Monday at the gym. OK, I pulled my hamstring doing a high kick. Injured hamstrings result from a sudden movement such as a high kick. It seems Killer Queen decided I could do this exercise involving a giant, turquoise rubber band, a stool, and a chin up bar.  She wraps the rubber band over the chin up bar. While I am standing on the stool, she holds down the rubber band and I place my foot in it while holding on to the chin up bar with my hands.  Then I must step off of the stool. This has me hanging by one leg supported by the rubber band. Then I must put the other leg behind me and proceed to do 10 chin ups.  Believe it or not, I can do this and look very good doing it. However, it is the dismount, disband, and get out of the contraption that caused the hamstring pull. I stepped back on the stool, but forgot to wait for Killer Queen to hold down the rubber band to release my foot.  Therefore, my leg did an unexpected high kick and I pulled my hamstring – aka broke my butt. I am better today. I should start one of those contribution websites – Broken Butt Syndrome.

Thursday, October 9, 2014 – From The Bullwinkle Assessment Place

From The Bullwinkle Assessment Place

To the Parents of DRDRD

Re: How I Spent My Summer Vacation Essay – See Thursday, October 2, for Response to Prompt

Your child scored a 3 on the recently administered Kindergarten writing assessment. S/he is in the 99 percentile as compared to the other five year old children who took the test, but did not know how to write yet. This assessment is proposed by Texas Goobernatorial Candidate Greg Abbott.  The previous assessment instruments used for kindergarteners, coloring between the lines, going to the bathroom at the right time and in the right place and learning to get along with others, will no longer be used.

The following is a breakdown of scores. Please see your local education institutions for assistance and keep your voter registration card current.

Children who score 3 should be placed in classes for exceptional learners. Hopefully your school has enough funds to provide an equal and adequate education for these students.

Children who score 2 – usually become A and B students and are generally forgotten about by the educational system.

Children who score 1 – should strive to become good at sports and can slide by. However, please note recesses and other playground activities no longer exist in most schools. The time is needed to study for assessments.

Score 0 – These students are at the “bottom of the heap” or in the lowest percentile. These students must learn to speak English and then will need to retake this assessment, thus using more of the citizens’ tax payers’ dollars.

Working with your child. In an effort to assist your child, we encourage you to read and do the following together.

The vocabulary word is “confluence.” It is means “come together,” and does not refer to The Beatles song of the same name from Abby Road.

An example of using confluence in a sentence is:

In Cooper Landing, Alaska, The Kenai River and The Russian River meet at what is called “The Confluence.”

In this photograph the person fishing is standing in the darker, Russian River, but you can see the glacier-fed, turquoise, Kenai River in the foreground.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Bullwinkle Training at The Assessment Place

Good Morning,

Today, we will look at some pictures of a moose in Soldotna, Alaska. By the end of this paragraph, you should be able to describe what a moose does when he is marking his territory for the winter. You will be shown a series of five photographs taken Monday, September 29, 2014 from the confines of my sister’s truck.  You will then be asked to score, since we do not grade, students’ responses between zero and three, with zero representing the lowest possible score and three representing the highest possible score. Remember scorers, a child’s future depends on what score you give them.

STUDENT PROMPT

Look at the five pictures below and describe what the moose is doing. Please write legibly and in complete sentences.

Picture number 1 – Zero Points – The moose in looking around and hoping nobody is looking.

Picture number 2 – Score One Point – Saw a moose, saw a moose, will you do the fandango?

Picture number 3 – Score Three Points – Does a moose shit in the woods?

Picture number 4 – Score Two Points  – Let me find my girlfriend, who is just out of camera sight!

Picture number 5 – Score One Point  – Hey Baby, Que Paso? (Bilingual moose)

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

FYI – if you position your mouse over the picture and click, you can enlarge it.

Denali National Park – Crown Jewel of America’s National Parks

Mt. McKinley – North America’s Highest Peak at 20,320 ft

Remember it is over 250 miles away from where I am standing – just outside Anchorage City Limits.

The water is part of the Cook Inlet.

And for my friend Kathy, who doubted, here is Mt. McKinley with an outline.