Monthly Archives: April 2014

Lent Day Thirty-Six

Wednesday, April 9, 2014 – Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey; along came four All American Huskies and blew her and the Irish away. By twenty points they blew them away. Ouch. I did not see a duo of national champions, but UConn never tell what will happen. Groan. So we say good-by to basketball until next year, but not without congrats to Odyssey Sims from Baylor for winning the Wade Trophy, the equivalent of the Heisman for outstanding basketball player. Now on to one of the funniest stories I have read in a long time. Maybe forever. In the deep East Texas town of Lufkin, 37 year old Evelyn Hamilton called the Lufkin police with a complaint. It seems the quality of the marijuana she purchased was substandard and the drug dealer, Nancy Botwin, would not return her money. Ms. Hamilton complained that for $40 she received just seeds and residue. When the police arrived at her door, they asked if she still had it. Pulling a small amount of marijuana from her bra, she was immediately arrested on the charge of drug possession and paraphernalia. This product of the public education system must brush up on her geography while she serves time. Our state, Texas, is not one of the square ones west of us. It is not Colorado, nor is it Washington. It is Lufkin, Texas. It is not even Austin where our local marijuana laws are posted for out of towners visiting the city. So good luck with your sentence and substance abuse programs, Ms. Hamilton. Perhaps next time, you should “phone a friend” regarding substandard substances. Furthermore, what were you expecting for $40?

Lent Day – Thirty-Five

Tuesday, April 8, 2014 – Well, it looks like the sun went down on my old Kentucky home, she said, Huskiely. What a great tournament. This has me worried about tonight between the unbeatens from the women’s side. Notre Dame seems to have a string of bad luck at the end of the rainbow. First, ND big girl goes down with ACL, and then the UConn men surprisingly capture the National Title. So if UConn women win tonight, once again UConn can claim both national titles, like they did in 2004. That is a big incentive, as if beating The Irish is not enough. Lots of history to be made tonight by just bouncing a round ball. I understand the Pope will consider a victory as a miracle for Muffet in the quest for basketball sainthood. If Notre Dame wins, do you think that can serve as Easter Confession? Probably not. I was wondering – what if the top twelve players on the UConn men’s team married the top ten players on the women’s team. What kind of basketball team would it look like? When they say big, strong and husky, they are not just talking about the mascot. Perhaps that could be someone’s science fair project. A Genetic Study of Projected Offspring as Produced by Division I National Championships Teams in a Single Basketball Season at The University of Connecticut. Perhaps another study could be Am I the Only One Creeped Out by the Notre Dame Leprechaun?

Lent Day Thirty-Four

Monday, April 7, 2014 – How I came to know Phil Porter. As you recall, just as I was about to give up hope of finding my desired 35 mm slides, Karen Y and I hit the Kodak Kodachrome mother lode. Michael the Vendor was obviously tired and wanted to get rid of a bunch of items. Especially, a plastic yellow crate filled with assorted papers and albums with more papers. When asked the source of the documents, Michael said he purchased most of the items we were interested in at an estate sale. He continued by saying he tried to contact any surviving heirs and was unable to make contact. So just who was Phil Porter? He was every one’s father who survived the Great Depression of the 1930’s and saved every document that was ever sent him if he achieved something. He graduated from Tulsa High School, Tulsa, OK, in 1933. He was salutatorian and I can read his salutatory address to his classmates later. Yes it is included and neatly typed. He attended Princeton as an undergrad. There are a handful of antiwar flyers calling for a peace demonstration to oppose the war. The date on the flyer is April 12, 1936. This was a protest against United State involvement in Hitler and Europe. However, Mr. Porter obviously changed his mind after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor and entered the Navy Reserve in 1942 and served as an Ensign. This is from a document signed by the Secretary of the Navy. Upon his return, he attended graduate school and The University of Oklahoma where the graduated as a petroleum engineer. This is where the story gets interesting. Phil Porter was an international petroleum engineer. There are papers, business cards and documents from the Soviet Union, South America, the Middle East and other parts of the world. These range from photographs of Prime Ministers to a daily log of what oil related activities were being done that day. There is a document from The White House with Harry Truman’s signature. There is a newspaper clipping of the Porters who were in Czechoslovakia in 1968 and opened their hotel door to see the Soviet Troops invading the country. And the Porters of Dallas were prominent. There are several membership certificates from The Dallas Petroleum Club. This is just a sampling of one scrapbook with a handwritten page taped to the front that reads: PHIL PORTER Moments in his Life and Career 1915 to 1993. Quick viewings of the slides reveal that Phil Porter was a pretty good photographer too. So here’s to Phil Porter – a most interesting person. If there are any heirs out there, I have your stuff.

Lent – Day Thirty – Three

Sunday, April 6, 2014 – Leaving Canton (Athens) in my rearview mirror in the pouring rain. Therefore I drove very carefully. Speed seems to be a critical component of the East Texas culture. And I mean culture in the sociological sense as one that should be studied. One must carefully pay attention to the speed limit signs. It does not matter that there is sign with 70 mph and thirty yards further down the road is one that reads 55 mph. You better burn rubber getting to 55 mph. Neither does it matter that the town you are approaching has been a ghost town since 1987. The other speed in East Texas appears to result in a reduction of teeth. So what did I buy in Canton? I bought: 2 antique cameras, 1 slide projector, 2 lamps, 1 lamp base shaped like the Eiffel Tower, SEVEN boxes of 35 mm slides and Phil Porter’s identity. All for $55. Before I attempt an explanation, let me apologize to my family for purchasing a yellow plastic crate filled with the kinds of crap we threw boxes and boxes of HB’s away. But here’s the story. Since Canton has anything you want, if you look hard enough, I wanted to buy 35mm slides and antique cameras. Why is not important at this time. We arrived at the Trade Days about noon. By 5:00, I had only purchased one old movie camera for $20. I was tired, hungry, cold, and ready to go back to the motel. Then we hit the mother lode. We stopped at a table of various items, and let me hear a hallelujah; there were seven boxes of 35 mm slides with 36 slides per box. These were the only ones I had seen all day! In negotiations over the slides, Michael and I began the bartering. But first, a brief character description of Michael. I am pretty sure Trade Days was not his day job. Cooking meth and sampling was probably the money job. I wanted those slides, and the deal went down like this. Michael: I will sell you the slides for $50 IF you will take the 35mm slide projector, the Eiffel Tower thing, and this crate of stuff from a man named Phil Porter. Me: What about this antique Polaroid camera? M: $5.00, but you got to take all the stuff. Me: What about this lamp? M: Free if you take all the stuff. Me: Deal. So, in the yellow crate that I had to buy to get all of the other stuff were the papers of a very interesting man named Phil Porter of Dallas. So, what does one do on a Saturday night in Athens, Texas? They go through a box of papers of a man you have never heard of. More about Phil Porter later.

Lent – Day Thirty – Two

Saturday, April 5, 2014 – Ahh, there is nothing like the allure of the banjo behind the needles of the pines along the upper Trinity River in East Texas. And there is no technology up there either. That is why there was nothing yesterday. So today I must write two paragraphs. I have just returned from East Texas. Athens, Texas to be more precise. East Texas is the kind of place where if God gave you a choice when you die, of going to Hell, or any town in East Texas, you would have to stop and think about your response. I made the pilgrimage to Canton for First Monday. That would be Canton, Texas, not Canton Ohio or Canton, China. You can Google the history of Canton, but Canton, Texas is the Mecca of Junk. During the Civil War, yes, the one that long ago, the Judge would come to Canton on the first Monday of each month to hold court. During the weekend proceeding the first Monday, people could come and trade their goods. Now days those goods range from beautiful antiques to tables of junk. I will tell of my purchases in the next paragraph. Driving to and through East Texas is interesting to say the least. Every other town seemed to have a Full Gospel church. By the way, the towns are only about 20 – 30 miles apart, just down the road a piece at the long stretches. I do not understand what Full Gospel means. The members only believe in half of the Gospels? Just the Gospels that being with “M?” Or just the Gospels they like? There are so many trailer houses and metal buildings, tornadoes could feed for days and never get hungry in East Texas. It is pretty easy to spot out-of-towners in Canton and East Texas. We are the ones who have all of our teeth, do not drive a truck and do not bling out our full Gospel T-Shirts, flip-flops, belts purses and hair. I have difficulty seeing Jesus in rhinestones, but who am I to say? There is a tractor trade next weekend in Canton if you are interested. If you decide to go, there is also the Knife and Tomahawk competition in Malakoff and the Civil War weekend celebration near Mexia. Have fun. I wonder if the residents of Canton are called Cantonese?

Lent – Day Thirty

Thursday, April 3, 2014 – It is really the thirtieth day of Lent? I just realized Lent is longer than forty days. The forty days refer to the forty days before Palm Sunday. Remember? Jesus? Desert? Devil? I believe I said I would do this until Easter. I was thinking ten more days. I always was calendar challenged. Now I must think of more topics. My friend, Karen R., who never reads this, is going on a Walk to Emmaus this weekend. When she first told me, I thought she said Walk with the Emus and I thought it to be some type of wildlife adventure. But it is not. It is a spiritual retreat. No technology allowed. Just a Closer Walk With He. Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Speaking of walking, I see where the new University of Texas Football coach is making the players walk to the stadium for football practice. Previously, they rode buses the one-half mile to practice. ONE-HALF MILE. That is about 2400 steps. The poor babies. Can you imagine? A half-mile walk for some of the fittest athletes around. Not only has this coach forced these sacred cows to walk, he expects them to attend class, sit on the first two rows and he and his staff ensure they are in compliance by checking on them. No wonder your last name is Strong. And the Aggies have suspended a bunch of players including a promising quarterback. Really, Kenny? In the flower planter? Face-down? What a country-western song you are. “I was passed out drunk, faced-down in a planter when the College Station Police arrested me; I couldn’t tell you the name of the president, or any other things, you know, but I used to play for football for Texas A&M, now where did my career go?” Where do you people think you are? LSU? Que Sera Sera. It is Doris Day’s 90th Birthday.

Lent – Day Twenty-Eight

Tuesday, April 1, 2014 – OK. I realize yesterday was short because it was late in the evening and I was mad at the referee, so today I will make it up by writing a 1000 word essay on The Psychological and Emotional Effects of Bracket Demolition during the Spring Equinox. April Fool! I am not writing 1000 words, but I will write a couple of hundred. Basketball has moved from highly intensive watching to a mild interest. I picked South Carolina to go to the Women’s Final Four. But the Gamecocks went limp and were beaten by North Carolina. That is not a forest fire in South Bend. That is the flames from the candles lit in prayer to the Patron Saint of Knees and ACLs of Notre Dame’s big girl. Now to the little round white ball that is dimpled and you hit it with a stick. Today was the Star Ranch Golf Club Ladies League end of winter season awards luncheon. This was my first year to play in a league. It is most humbling. I actually fell into the creek the first day I played in the league. I figured it could not get any worse than that. But today I was surprised to get two envelopes. Actually, I was surprised to get anything. One envelope says: Ringer 2nd Flight, 7th Place. I am pretty certain that is seventh out of seven of the worse group. But hey, my winnings for seventh place were $3.00. The other envelope says: 2nd Flight: Low Net – 3rd Place. And that envelope had $9.00 in it. So my winnings at Star Ranch so far total $12.75. I got the seventy-five cents on a chip into the hole once. I hope I do not lose my amateur status.

Lent – Day Twenty-Seven

Monday, March 31, 2014 – The End of the Good Old Baylor Line. For the Irish, Win One for the Gimpy! For the referee, You, whistle happy zebra, you wouldn’t know an offensive foul if it bit you in the ass. Where did you go to referee school? Saint Basketball School for The Blind? Even Rebecca Lobo and Kara Lawson couldn’t see fouls that you called. At least the other game had competent referees. The Aggies never lose. We just run out of time. Tonight, I think we needed a couple more years on the clock. When does football season begin? Speaking of football, have you seen Johnny Football in the McDonald’s commercial?