September 13, 2021 – My Monday After College Football Awards
There were blowouts. There were upsets. There were near upsets. And it is only Week Two.
First, let us discuss field colors. Football fields should be the color of green grass. Not TEAL green. For Coastal Carolina, the uniforms and the field do not need to match. And football fields should never be blue. But you did break the Kansas winning streak of one in a row. Coastal Carolina 49 and Kansas 22.
The first award is The Hair Dryer Award for blowouts. Multiple recipients include the following:
- Baylor 66 and Texas Southern 7
- Oklahoma 76 and West Carolina 0 (not to be confused with Teal Green Carolina)
- Alabama 48 and Mercer 14
- Georgia 56 and University of Alabama at Birmingham 7.
- Auburn 62 and Alabama State 0
- Florida 42 South Florida 20
I have not been able to substantiate the rumors that marching bands, women’s basketball teams, or the men’s and women’s intramural flag football teams played the second half and last quarter of the above listed games.
Duck Duck Buckeye! My Blood, Sweat and Tears Award goes to the Oregon Ducks because You Made Me so Very Happy with your victory over Ohio State. I guess the O in Ohio stands for Overrated! Ducks 35 Ohio State 28.
Each of the following teams receive a Poopy Undies Award for nearly being upset.
A near upset goes to Tortilla Tech for the eked out victory over Stephen F. Austin. Tech 28 and SFA 22. Are there shirts, this week TT?
Holy Toledo! What were you thinking Notre Dame? You almost allowed Toledo to beat you. But Hail Mary you survived. 32 to 29. I’m sorry. Did you think I was going to give ND an award for winning?
And then of course to Texas A&M. You not only receive Poopy Undies, but your fans also receive the manual for Self-Administered CPR. It comes with an Oxygen tank on the side. It was like Deja view all over again. But these Aggies found a way to win. Zach you were a shining example of The 12th Man. You stood ready to play. While we all hope King’s injury in not severe, I am confident and I back Zack! Let’s not do such things again though. Aggies 10 Colorado 7. The Big THANK YOU Award goes the Texas A&M Defense.
My last award is presented by the SEC Welcome Wagon along with the Cheryl Crow song, If it Makes You Happy. And the trophy goes to:
THE University of Texas. Texas, on behalf of the blowout by Arkansas, we’d like to Welcome you to the SEC. It just means more. More points scored too. Texas 21 Arkansas 40. Arkansas is a very good team. Wait until you meet the rest of us. Did you look at the blowout list?
Tell me again, Texas, why you are coming to the SEC? Oh yes, there is the ESPN money from the Extra Sports Payment Network. What are you bringing to the SEC? We already have a UT with ugly orange colors. But they have Peyton Manning.
I mean OU is bringing seven Heisman winners and seven national football championships TU is bringing two Heisman winners and four national football championships. Alabama alone has 18. Yes, double digits. How’s that for historical context?
If you were in the SEC on this day, you would be tied with Vanderbilt. Let’s all sing now. “Don’t worry. Be Happy.”
Last question for the Horns. What will you be bringing as the school song? Please let the members of the SEC know ASAP so we can get a parody.
Stay safe. Wear the mask. Watch out for Tropical Storm, Nicholas. Current weather predictions show it moving along the Texas Gulf Coast. Get your four basic storm preparations – Salty, Sweet, Alcohol and Chocolate.