Friday, March 18, 2016 – As the Brackets Bust

The sound heard yesterday was brackets bursting and cursing for those of us who picked Baylor to win.

The Poison Ivy League Award goes to the Baylor men for losing in the opening round. De jevu all over again. Really? Yale? Well, you did play like “Poor little lambs that have lost their way. Bah, bah, bah.” It will be up the women to bring home any hardware and bling to Waco.

Let’s go ladies! The First Rounds of the Women’s Division 1Tournament begins today. Here are some viewing tips. Note: These criteria may be applied to the men’s teams also.

Assumption: you are in control of the TV Remote. If you are not familiar with this item, it is the thing in your spouse or spousal equivalent’s hand that causes channels on the TV to change and programs to stop, rewind and pause. If you do not have control of your remote, you can stop reading now. Control of the Remote Control is a great criterion for living alone. It should have a button for “I am stuck in my recliner and can’t get out.”

If you have one of those smart ass TVs, you can zoom in and focus on hair, shoes and diamonds and other shots you may or may not want to see up close and in high definition.

To make the games more enjoyable, here are some of the things to watch for and will be the basis of my NCAA Division I Basketball Awards.

It is all about the hair. This includes players and coaches. I cannot speak for other schools, but I have toured Kyle Field and Reed Arena at Texas A&M. I know that each of these venues have fully equipped hair salons in the dressing room areas and players fix each other’s hair. It appears the girls are much better at hair dressing that the men. But all of the players refer to it “fun hair.”

1A.There will be a category entitled Coach Good Hair – candidates will include Karen Aston (Texas), Sherri Cole (OU), Kim Mulkey (Baylor) and others.

1B. Player Headbands – just say no to headbands. Nike, Adidas and Under Armor make enough money with you sporting a logo.

Uniforms – I am especially fond of the glow in the dark type that come from Nike and the West Coast teams. Look for changes in the women’s uniforms. The shorts are becoming shorter and more fitting. To shorten the shorts players roll down the waist band exposing the tag. Remote Control required to view.
Coaching Wardrobes and Footwear – It usually difficult to see footwear unless you control the remote. How Mulkey, McGraw, Cole and the other squatters can squat in stiletto heels without falling on their butts is beyond me and defies physics.
1. And McGraw in a skirt can do it! Note: Are those Ruby Slippers?
  
  Do not rule out men’s footwear. Gary Blair has a lovely pair of maroon suede shoes. And Texas’ assistant coaches Travis Mays and Tina Thompson will be styling as always.
Jewelry – At half time coaches will be interviewed. This is a good opportunity to see the bling. Those championship rings are the size of the knobs on your chest of drawers.
Tattoos – You are on your own here – as Jimmy Buffet sings about tattoos – “a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling.” Make up your own categories. I tend to favor those with long verses down one’s entire forearm and continue to wonder – why has no one designed an ink that will show on people of color?”
Commentators – Learn these names. Kara Lawson and Rebecca Lobo – the best of ESPN; the best of the rest: Holly Rowe, Doris Burke, Nell Fortner, Carolyn Peck, Pam Ward, Gail Goestenkors, Andy Landers and Brenda I always forget your last name.