Monthly Archives: March 2014

Lent Day Six

Monday, March 10, 2014. Speaking of Chicago – the group – not the Toddling Town on the shore of Lake Michigan. I could not stand Chicago either. I had repressed
Color My World and all versions and events where the song was played until someone read yesterday’s paragraph and reminded me of it. And what was that other Chicago song with the numbers? Was it 25, or 6 to 4? Or was it 25 Ought Six Two Fore? It is one of those songs where everybody hears and sings something different. I used to think a line in a song was “I got a friend in Detroit.” The actual line is “I got a friend in Jesus.” Jesus. Detroit. Not even close phonetically or any way else other than my brain. While we are still talking about songs: Sing along now: with the Mamas and the Papas “Monday, Monday, can’t trust that day.” How many Mondays have you thought about those lyrics? This is one of those songs where everyone thinks they can sing both harmony and be a backup singer. The more alcohol consumed, the more harmony thought to be sung. After tequila shot number three, you think you are singing all four parts at the same time by yourself. My grandmother, Mamaw Faust, had such a horrible voice we were embarrassed to go church with her. Not only was it pretty much the one same note, the decibel level was such there was no doubt whether Mrs. Faust was in attendance that day. I like that now. If you can’t sing good, sing loud. I doubt Jesus or Detroit really cares how you sound as long as you sing.

Lent Day 5

Sunday, March 9, 2014 – “Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody care about time?” Name the group that sang that song and win today’s prize of a cup of coffee. Of course that reference today is for the beginning of Daylight (insert your personal adjective here) Savings Time. And if you think today is bad, tomorrow is really going to suck. Statistics show more accidents the morning after the time change than any other day. Remember that old commercial “It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature?” Well, it is not nice to fool with me either. However, I see my only options regarding the time change are to 1. Move to Arizona or 2. Deal with it. Well, that is a no brainer. It is neither the heat nor the humidity in Arizona. It is the attitude of the people. Perhaps it is due to their history of being the last of the lower 48 to become a state. And then that Gadsden Purchase thing. Perhaps they felt unwanted by the United States. After all, much of the state is a big hole in the ground. Perhaps I am wasting my time and your time thinking about the state of Arizona. See what the time change does to your brain? Those neural receptors get confused too and it causes the brain to produce weird thoughts. What is the deal with 2: 00 AM? Is there some clock like on Greenwich Meridian time or something? Does the earth turn on its axis at two o’clock to the new day? Why not midnight? That makes more sense. But then again, those who make more money and have more decision-making authority than I do, and legislate time changes seldom make much sense. And what time is it, if you cross the International Date Line? Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody care? Chicago.

Saturday, March 8, 2014
Lent Day 4

March Madness. This is the term commonly given to that exciting period of buzzer beaters and floor riots called college basketball playoff games. It is also known as the period we wait and watch basketball until college football season begins. I love March Madness and can hardly wait to complete my brackets. Yes, I am as happy as a tattoo artist in a basketball venue. I play both NCAA men’s and women’s tournament brackets. There will be much more about brackets as we go along. But speaking of women’s basketball, I just got this retweet from the Pope. “At this time, Ms. McGraw, you do not have enough miracles for Sainthood. There are no plans for St. Muffett. Even though you do have one national championship and the ability to balance flawlessly on stiletto heels while in a full squatting position and maintaining, not only your balance, but your dignity, these are still suspect. While beating Geno and UConn to win the Final Four and the National Championship will qualify as a miracle, you are still a couple of miracles shy. I will, however, consider “Muffet, The Huskie Slayer” as a new title if you and Notre Dame win.” OK, I made that up, but when ND and UConn play, I always hope the all of the bathrooms over flow and flood the court up to the basket rims, and there is no electricity and the popcorn machine breaks. Whatever non-life threatening catastrophe let somebody else play for goodness sake. I am tired of you. I understand there is nothing else to do in Connecticut and South Bend. But give it a rest. However, I would enjoy seeing Geno trying to balance on stiletto heels.

Lent Log 2014
March 7, 2014
Day 3 – Fish Stick Friday. Or “Eat Your (insert adjective) Fish!” Such a good line spoken by Julia Roberts to Merle Streep in Osage County. More about dysfunctional and awkward family situations later in lent and back to Fish Stick Friday. When one mentions fish sticks, one of those flashbacks they warned us about (Jimmy Buffet) flashes. I am mentally transported back to my high school cafeteria where your lunch choices were fish sticks or bring your lunch. My dear Mother made one of the best lunches ever. Home-made pimento cheese made with Velveeta cheese, Lay’s potato chips, and her home-made chocolate chip cookies. It was so good it was stolen every Friday by Dianne J. and Pat C. and anybody else who had the opportunity to steal it. So I had to eat Frozen (insert adjective) Fish Sticks on Friday. Mama even tried packing extra sandwiches and more cookies. That only meant my lunch looked like a grocery sack and fed more people while I still ate fish sticks. Please know this was not a situation of being bullied because whoever would steal my lunch would leave lunch money in my locker. My question is this. Why did an entire, Class A, school district in rural Texas with about 300 students total in 1965 have to eat fish sticks when 99.99% of the student population was Protestant? I am pretty confident the answer lies in a bureaucrat mandate to ensure all dietary customs and mores were met. While I respect those who strictly adhere to dietary customs, whether for religious reasons or not, I wonder at the origin of such customs. I wonder if pre Martin Luther nailing the pages on the church door, the Catholic Church had an agreement with the commercial fisherman? The Vatican says, “If it walks, don’t eat it on Friday,” and everybody buys fish and the price of fish goes up. Think about it. And why Friday? Why not meatless Thursday? Or Tuesday? Perhaps Friday was when the boats arrived from a fishing expedition. Oh well. Oh! What did I have for lunch? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Lent Day Two
March 6, 2014

See what happens when you play with anachronisms? I said “Jesus was in the desert with no cable TV” and Lo and Behold, my cable TV went out.  I had to watch House of Cards on my Kindle last night.  Talk about being in the wilderness. In the event you are interested, No, I did not go receive ashes yesterday.  I did clean the ashes out of the fireplace. I hope that counts. I saw where St. David’s offered “ashes to go” where the ministers stand on the street corner and offer ashes to those unable to make it to church.  I am not sure how this works. Does one stick one’s head out of the window as driving by?   Of course, St. David’s is Episcopalian also known as Pope Less Catholics.  Lent is kept mostly by Kneelers, but the Methodists, Lutherans and Calvinists also have their own Lenten observations.  Some are a bit more ashy than others. But the intent seems to be the same – 1. reflect because you ain’t nothing , but dust from somewhere way beyond even the MENSA dimension, 2. Commit to do something positive, and 3. Oops, I forgot what number three is.  Hey, it worked for Captain Hairspray.  Really, number three is sacrifice something in your life.

Today as every native-born Texan knows, marks the first day of the Siege of the Alamo in 1836. Remember? Thirteen days of Glory. Davy Crockett said to William B. Travis – “We’re gonna need a lot more men.” This gave General Sam Houston and everybody else the opportunity to haul ass to the Texas coast. Meanwhile General Santa Anna took his own sweet time getting to the coast, and then took an afternoon nap with Emily Morgan, The Yellow Rose of Texas and the Battle of San Jacinto became one of the most critical battles in world history. Really! World History!

Yesterday was Election Day for the party primary. I hope you voted.  And remember you voted and nobody was shooting at you when you did. Kinky Friedman is in a run off for Texas Agricultural Commission.  Why the Hell Not?  Kinky is as good as many of the others who currently hold a government office.  And Kinky has good hair too. I just hope his voters can remember to vote.

Lent 2014 Day One
Today is March 5, 2014, Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent in the Western Christian calendar, directly following Shrove Tuesday. Occurring 46 days before Easter, it is a moveable feast that can fall as early as February 4 and as late as March 10.
According to the canonical gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke, Jesus Christ spent 40 days fasting in the desert, where he endured temptation by Satan.
Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of this 40-day liturgical period of prayer and fasting or abstinence. Of the 46 days until Easter, six are Sundays. As the Christian designation of Sabbath, Sundays are not included in the fasting period and are instead “feast” days during Lent.
Ash Wednesday derives its name from the practice of placing ashes (formally called The Imposition of Ashes) on the foreheads of adherents as a celebration and reminder of human mortality, and as a sign of mourning and repentance to God. The ashes used are typically gathered from the burning of the palms from the previous year’s Palm Sunday.
That is the Wikipedia version. But I figured if Jesus could spend 40 days in the wilderness, no GPS, no cable TV, no Net flicks, no McDonald’s, and then I could write a page every day. I mean He was out there getting tempted by Satan. So here it goes.
Contrary to what my cousins used to say, the ashes are not derived from the priests and nuns smoking cigars.
Each day until Easter, I will sit and write something that fills one horizontal 8×10 sheet. If you watch The Big Bang Theory, you see that the creator of the series, Chuck Lorre, ends each program with a single par graphical page. That is where I got the idea.
So meatless today – Ash Wednesday and all Fridays, writing one page per day. I pretty much have the abstinence part covered.