Category Archives: Uncategorized

Tuesday, November 24, 2015 – Over the River and Through the Woods

Over the river and through the woods,

To Grandmother’s house we go,

The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh

And that’s all I remember – so HEY!

An early Thanksgiving to us all.

I am off to the store to purchase my Thanksgiving goodies to take to my Thanksgiving dinner.

1. Celery
2. Olives
3. Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix
4. Tito’s Vodka – large
5. Boujeleaus – that is to honor the French with their wine even though I do not know how to spell it.

Did you think I was going to the grocery store?

After my purchases I must go find a turkey, chop off its head and then pluck the feathers.  Then of course it must be cooked. I of course will use all of my home economics skills I learned in Mrs. Luck’s homemaking class from Magnolia High School. I will let you know how this turns out.  Where did I put my ax?

Monday, November 9, 2015 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards Program.

Our awards program today is brought to you by the word “atrabilious.” It is an adjective meaning gloomy, morose, melancholy, or morbid. It also describes football fans from LSU, TCU, FSU and all of the other U’s who went tumbling down the polls like a West Texas tumbleweed.

Today we add a new sponsor – The scholarship committee from West Point is proud to sponsor the Close, but No Cigar trophy.

But before we get our ado furthered, I must make these two posts to Craig’s List.

1. FOR SALE: Offensive Coordinator. Contact Texas A&M Football Department for further details.
2. WANTED: Quarterback. Apply at Texas A&M Football Department. Walk-ons Welcomed. Preference given to those who can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

And now…

The Petula Clark Award for going Downtown in the polls is shared by the following previously undefeated teams:

Old Miss 52 – Arkansas 53 in OT

TCU 29 – Oklahoma State University – 49

Michigan State 38 – Nebraska 39

Memphis 20 – Navy 45

Florida State 13 – Clemson 23

LSU 16 – Alabama 30

The Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Award goes to Texas A&M because Auburn cleaned the Aggies clocks while the Aggies sucked on offensive and defense.

Whatever is shown on the scoreboard, still proud.

The Award for Scariest Reprisal of a Halloween Costume goes to Mad Max Muschamp and the Auburn defense. I told you they would be pissed off.

To Vanderbilt I award the Commodores the trophy for Close, but No Cigar for losing to Florida 7 to 9. So Vandy, go back to the library, Anchor down and we’ll see you in the spring for baseball. To Florida, congratulations on winning the SEC East. You still suck.

The Orange Crush Soda Award goes to THE University of Texas for crushing Kansas 59 – 20. I know it was Kansas that could be defeated by most Division II football programs, but it is good to score lots of points and build confidence.

Photo by Martha – There is always half-time.

The Award for the Cutest Coaches in the Big 12 Conference goes to Kliff Kingsbury of Texas Tech and Dana Holgorsen of West Virginia. Note: this is like a Certificate of Participation Award.

The Please Get Rid of These TV Announcers Award goes to Brent Mushmouth and Jesse Palmer on the SECN and Vern Lunquist and whatever Chatty Cathy’s real name is that works with Vern. Note to CBS: Now would be a good time to release Vern from his contract – just in time for the holidays. He could get a job as Santa. No make-up or padding required.

The Most Points Scored Award this week goes to Oklahoma for defeating Iowa State 52 – 16. Watch out Baylor, the Baker Boy’s Team will be in Waco Sooner than you think. Coming soon – ESPN Game Day at McLane Stadium next Saturday in Waco with the game at 7:00 on ABC… Somebody is going home disappointed and feeling atrabilious.”

To the Frogs of TCU on behalf of the Oklahoma State Cowboys, I award the Roy Rogers, King of the Cowboys, Happy Trails to You Trophy for sending TCU down the polls like a Frog caught up in tumbling tumble weed.

Feeling the Victory

Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon rind; Look on the scoreboard see whose behind.

The Up There with The Band Award goes to Henry and the Arkansas Razorbacks for The Lateral. It is a must see, jaw dropping highlight. In overtime, with Mississippi leading by a touchdown, the Arkansas player, Henry, (this is his last name) is about to step out bounds on 4th Down – short of the first. He blindly throws the ball backwards over his shoulder. It is picked up by Arkansas and the player runs for a First Down. Arkansas scores a touchdown, then goes for the two-point conversion, makes it and game over. Arkansas wins 53 – 52 throwing the SEC West into chaos. Sooey Pigs!

The Life of Pi Award goes to Alabama. In this version, the Rolling Tide sweeps the Tiger overboard and the boat floats away. We all know cats do not like to get their paws wet. This was obviously displayed by the Tigers inability to run on the wet field. That and an Alabama defense that drowned the Purple and Gold to put the Tigers back in the cage.

Once again Notre Dame and the Creepy Leperachauns (sic) get The Conspiracy Award. ND – 43- Pitt -30. Mr. RL and I are convinced that during The Pope’s recent visit to the United States, he secretly met with The National Selection Committee. Behind closed doors, he was ensured by The Committee that the Irish of Notre Dame would be ranked higher than the Baptists of Baylor.

However, the Chair of The Selection Committee, Larry Culpepper and the Vice-Chair of the committee, The Cheese Round were unsuccessful in persuading The Pontiff to replace The Host at mass with Dr. Pepper and Cheese Its.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015 – Vote Early! Vote Often! But Vote for Gayla!

And vote for her before NOVEMBER 6. Here is who she is, how to vote and why you should vote for her.

Who she is.

BJ, Jenny Lee, Penny, et. al – her people are from Louisiana. Her daddy is Little Cecil – a real Smarty Pants, like me – letters after his name and such.

Her granddaddy was Big Cecil who was my Godfather and ran the sawmill commissary and then Groves & Son after the mill left.

Howard Wayne Davenport – This is your photo.

The Groves came to Texas from Flora, Louisiana when my Mama and Honeyboy did. (That is HB leaning against the post in the black pants. All said, we are kinda kin. Should her father choose to add to the story regarding sleeping arrangements shortly after they all moved from Texas, he is free to do so. I always like how it embarrasses my sister.

Here is how you vote.

http://www2.usafootball.com/poll_management/userpoll/6

Go to this website, scroll down. Find Gayla McClendon and click on SUBMIT. You get one vote per day. Too bad it is not based on phone numbers and emails. I really could vote often.

Here is why you should vote.

Gayla GROVES McClendon is nominated for Week 10 Team Mom for the Tri-City Panthers. The top ten vote getters receive a $1000 Equipment Grant and the GRAND prize is a $5000 Equipment Grant.

This is a national contest. One is allowed one vote/day UNTIL November 8. While every Mom listed on the website is a winner, those receiving the top votes receive personal benefits for the tremendous amount of work required to be a Team Mom and for money which in turn goes back to the team for equipment.

BJ, Joyce, Janne – and all other Queens, I did not see where this comes with a crown and a ride in a convertible, but I am sure Buckalew Chevrolet can find something suitable for Gayla to ride around the football field – heck, maybe even through downtown Waco and the Tri-Cities!

Tuesday, October 20, 2015 – What’s the News Across the Nation?

Trivia Tuesday – Complete the last line of this stanza. Hint: it is from a TV show from 1967- 1973.

What’s the news across the nation? We have got the information, In a way we hope will amuse you! We just love to give you our news, La Da De Da, Ladies and Gents,…

So I was looking at the news the other day. I saw where a woman in Anchorage, Alaska went into a Subway sandwich place, went into the rest room, took off her clothes and returned naked. I am so glad Angela S. that you are eating healthy.

It was this time last week when I was a cyclops due to an eye abrasion.

If by any rare chance you saw an article in the Bryan Eagle, please know it was not me.

“October 8, 2015 – A Bryan man faces charges after police say he allegedly punched a woman in the face was taken to the hospital.

According to Bryan police, officers were dispatched to a home around 7:30 pm Tuesday after a woman said she and her significant other were fighting and she was bleeding. According to police, the man told officers he punched the woman in the face after she kicked him. The man is accused of hitting the woman with the hand on which he wears his Aggie ring.”

Next time I poke my eye with “the hand on which I wear my Aggie ring” maybe I can get better service at the Emergency Room.

Enjoy today and don’t forget to laugh.

Answer: From Rowen and Martin’s Laugh In –

What’s the news across the nation? We have got the information, In a way we hope will amuse you! We just love to give you our news – La Da De Da, Ladies and Gents

“Laugh In” looks at the news!

Friday, October 16, 2015 – Count Down Until Kick Off – Or Here’s What I’m Wearing

There is no other game of significance on Saturday afternoon. BTHO Alabama.

<a href="http://“>

Ok, you can cancel the seeing eye dog and return the white cane. Eye specialist said “Eye looks good; abrasion is smaller; one more day of antibiotic goop and pain meds and you should be fine by Friday.”

Pirate – Grrrr to the eye patch!

Wednesday, October 7, 2015 – They EYE Has It

Nothing to write today. Have an eye issue with a corneal abrasion.

The Cyclops

Tuesday, October 6, 2015 – Neighborhood Night Out and Buns

Tonight is Neighborhood Night Out. Some brave souls in the 55 and older hood organized a cookout. It starts at 6:00. That is very late for most of my neighbors. I do not know if they will be in their pajamas or not.

I am to bring my buns. Therefore, I want to thank my PT, (personal trainer, not a physical therapist) Killer Queen (KQ) for torturing me twice per week so I will have good looking buns. Those lunges and squats do wonders for your buns. And KQ makes me do them with 2o+ pounds more weight. What? I am supposed to bring hamburger buns? Oh. Well, they will look good too. Go meet your neighbors.

Mayfield Park, Austin, Texas 2013. Photo by me.