Monday, November 24, 2014 – And Then There Were Twelve
It is Week 14 of college football. There are twelve teams left in contention for a big playoff berth. And each one of them is fighting for fourth place in the Big Top Four. This is Anything Can Happen Week because it is the week of conference games between the state rivals – The Egg Bowl between Ole Miss and Mississippi State; The Iron Bowl between Alabama and Auburn, The Goodbye Will and Jameis Bowl between Florida and Florida State and The Duck The Beaver Bowl between Oregon and Oregon State. In the state of Texas we have The We Are Not Texas A&M on Thanksgiving Game between TCU and THE University. And The Fighting Texas Aggies will host the Tigers of LSU. A cow, a frog, a tiger and an Aggie walk into a bar… Sounds like an interesting Thanksgiving.
Then those teams on the West Coast play, like we care in Texas. Of the 12 teams remaining, The Big 12 is the only conference that does not have a playoff game. Interesting, huh? Well, the conference did lose its Twelfth Man. Groan. The teams of contention become fewer but there are still plenty of awards to hand out. So here we go.
To all of the fans in the path of the driving rain, lightning and thunder, delay the game storm, you receive The Poncho and Hefty (as in garbage bag) Award for standing in the pouring rain to watch your team play. From the warm, confines of my chair in my dry sweat suit, you looked miserable, but I am proud of you.
OOOOOklahoma, where the rains come whistling down the plains, you receive The Schooner Sooner Award giving a new meaning to the new Sooner Schooner combination wagon and watercraft. And for beating Kansas.
The Hotty Toddy Sooey Pig Weather Award goes to Arkansas for also playing in same storm wave as OU and KU against Ole Miss in the cold, raining like hogs weather. As the Arkansas coach said “It is WHOO PIG weather.” It certain wasn’t sitting on the veranda weather. It was more like, shut out the front door, for Ole Miss. Arkansas wins 30-0.
The Spandex, Uncomfortably Tight Award goes to The Ohio State University for not pulling away from Boston College until the fourth quarter. These two teams also receive The Wearing the Same Color Uniform Award.
The Florida State Seminoles win The We Don’t Show Up Until the Fourth Quarter Award for once again coming from behind to win the game against Boston College. Where was Doug Flutie when you needed him?
The What’s The Point Award goes to the Florida State field goal kicker for kicking the winning goal with three seconds left in the game.
Texas Tech wins this week’s My State Plays Football Better than Yours Does for winning against Iowa State, as if anyone really cares.
The Baylor Bears, also in the same storm system from the 11:00 am games win The Baptists Love the Water Award for winning against Oklahoma State.
The Bears also receive The Nineteen Plays and Gasping Award for running nineteen plays, burning through half of the first quarter and staying on the field for 10 uninterrupted minutes.
The Don’t Criticize the Schedule Award goes to the SEC for scheduling creampuff, cupcake games before their big, and equally important big intrastate games. Note to Criticizers: Have you looked at which conference will have the most teams in bowl games? BTHO of LSU!