Monday, November 3, 2014 – My Week Ten Awards
It’s Monday after Week Nine of NCAA College Football. There are fewer teams, but multiple awards to teams and to players. So here we go…
The Four Heartbreak Hotel Awards go to Ole Miss. They lost the ball; they lost the player (Treadwell); they lost the game and they lost their chance –all on the last play of the game. Do not watch the video. Think back to Joe Theisman. Trust me; you do not want to see it unless you are an orthopedic surgeon.
A close second to the Heartbreak Hotel Award, but given the Keeps Right on a Hurting Award instead goes to the Hogs of Arkansas who once again came oh so close to upsetting #1 Mississippi State.
The Pepto Bismal, Yet Still Dismal Award goes to Uncle Will and the Florida Gators who upset Georgia. Doubt it will be enough to keep your job though, Willie.
The Poo Poo Undies Award is a tie between TCU and their fans and Mississippi State and their fans for such close, near upset games. Cancel that order of them Mountaineer oysters, with a side of frog legs and bacon – We ain’t won the Big 12/National Championship just yet.
The Point Award goes to the TCU kicker for winning the game in the final seconds.
The Most Points Scored, with 60, goes to Baylor. But hey, it was Kansas, but perfect for Homecoming. Did the Homecoming Queen get a chance to play?
The Who Gives a Shit Award is shared by THE University of Texas and the Texas Tech Red Raiders who are battling Iowa State and Kansas for last place in the Big 12 standings.
The Ugly Helmet Award goes to Texas Tech – a second time winner. The Texas flag? Really? However, I thought it was a very nice touch to wear them, and the entire ugly Texas flag motif uniform, against Texas University, who think they own the flag of the state of Texas. I keep thinking of giving Kingsbury the “Me Think, Thou Doth Protest Too Much” Award, but no gay man or straight man would select the uniforms he has this year. Who is the fashion consultant? Color Blind Fashions, Day Care and Charter School?
The Luckiest Team Award goes to Auburn for catching pass deflections, keeping drives alive and then winning as they did. I not only hope The Twelfth Man goes to Alabama next Saturday, I hope one of them can actually play the quarterback position, because the Ags do not have a backup.
And Notre Dame, they win The Do We Have to Go to Confess Because We Played on the CBS Network Award?
Before our last awards, did you happen to see the promo for Louisiana Monroe during the Aggie football game on Saturday? I do not recall ever seeing one of these, dating back to the first days of those PR segments where the two featured sports in the video were football and bass fishing!
And now the awards you have been waiting for all of these awards go to the Texas Aggie Football Team and/or player. To the team:
- The Hoover Award – because you sucked on Saturday! That is not how you play football in the SEC! Or even in the ACC.
- The Middle School Basketball Score Award – not only did you look like a middle school football team, the score was 16 – 20 – A girls’ middle school basketball score! Against Louisiana-Monroe!! Bass fishing is their next top sport!
- The Best Uniform of the Day Award does go to the Aggies for their 1939 throwback uniforms and cool helmets. Too bad you played as though you were actually 39 years old.
And to the player of the news the following are unconfirmed, but still awarded:
- The Maroon is the New Orange Award goes to Kenny Hill who also receives the Didn’t Amount to a Hill of Beans Award.
- Also the former A&M QB receives The Gilbert & Sullivan – HMS Pinafore Award for the orange community service vest he will be wearing during his suspension and beyond for a while.
- And from the NBC children’s program from the 1970’s, to Kenny Hill, I give the HR Puffnstuf Award. College Station ain’t Colorado!
Thank you and good whatever time you are reading this. I hope you reset your clocks. Grrrr!