Friday, March 26, 2015 – Ted Cruz and Snarky Friday
Just when you thought it was safe to open a Friday article, Snarky Friday is back.
Fridays when it is not college football season are usually reserved for snarky comments. It usually begins with a modification of this question posed to our leaders
What did you do for the people of Texas today? Here is what you did for us this week.
To The Honorable Ted Cruz, Junior Senator (R-TX),
Dear Senator Cruz,
Thank you so much for declaring your candidacy for President of the United States (POTUS). Nothing will bring our country closer together than your non-compromising, obstructionist tactics. Nothing will move Texas closer to being blue again than your candidacy. You make Rick Perry look awesome.
As you begin the campaign I have some questions for you. And then in an effort to assist, I offer some thoughts and suggestions.
First, three questions to get started. I am sure I will have more as you open your mouth.
- How do you like that birther movement now? Karma is indeed a bitch. Oh I’m sorry. Karma is a tenet from a non-Christian belief structure.
- But speaking of karma – Do you think not endorsing the second-ranked Senate Republican Cornyn for re-election in 2014 will hurt you? I mean Senator Coryyn is from the same state are you from, and maybe you did not see on his resume that he too is a Republican.
…And third question is… I can’t remember, Oops.
- If your plan is to abolish the Internal Revenue Service, what is your strategy for raising revenue for the country? Just curious.
Now, Senator Cruz I have a few comments and suggestions.
- You might want to brush up on that Arab-Israeli thing and go a little further back than 1948 rather than unequivocally stating “Israel or nobody.” Maybe even as far back as, let’s say, as forever? You might find Great Britain (i.e. England,) had a significant role in 1948 leading us (as in U.S.) to where we are today. Just a thought.
- Your tweet “Science, we don’t need no stinking science” @ #TedCruzCampaignSlogan, probably really got the science and technology communities behind you with that one.
- I saw where you evangelically declared the hope and promise of an all conservative government with no gays, no abortion and no gun control” – just to name a few. FYI – I think an “all one thought by all one group for any type government” is called a dictatorship. As you are brushing up on that Arab-Israeli thing, you might go back a few years to prior to 1948 and see how dictatorships and one thought one group world governments affect the world. There are several one-thought-one group type governments post 1948 that kinda helped shape too. A good start might be in Cambodia and then the state formerly known as Yugoslavia.
- Of course my favorite, so far, because I know there will be more like this one coming out of your mouth. It’s your tweet about – “I’ll make government small enough to fit into your bedroom or a woman’s uterus. #TedCruzCampaignSlogan.”
Please stay out of my bedroom and away from my uterus. How would you feel if someone talked about your private man parts in such a manner? For example “the federal government will shrink faster than Ted’ Cruz’s penis without Viagra.” You know what I’m saying?
But thanks for playing, tossing your hat in the ring, practicing kissing your wife and everything thing else. When I say I look forward to hearing what you have to say, I mean it. This may prove to be one of the funniest reality shows on this TV season.
At this time, unfortunately I do think believe you chances are optimal. Your last name is not Bush. But good luck anyway.
God Bless Texas (cause we really need it now!)