Wednesday, March 4, 2015 – March Madness Part Two
First our assessment question from yesterday. Who has bigger balls? Men or women? If you said men, you answered the question literally and receive a two, or passing grade. If you said women, you are philosophically correct and receive a three, or excellence, for the answer.
Now to today’s topic – what to look for when watching a basketball game.
When watching a basketball game on TV or at courtside, it is necessary to conduct a fashion police check on both coaches. This is sometimes called “dishing,” and should not be confused with a pass in basketball which can be referred to as a “dish.”
One must examine the coaches’ attire, including footwear, neckwear and the hair do. You thought this was going to be about the actual game?
For the teams who are coached by men, one looks to see if the coach wears a suit and tie or not.
Examples include: Women’s coach, Jeff Walz of Louisville, does not wear a coat and tie, but chooses a well –pressed sport shirt in the team’s red and white colors. Women’s coach, Gary Blair of Texas A&M (GB as the team calls him) wears a suit and tie as does women’s coach Geno Auriemma from U Conn. Men’s coach Scott Drew of Baylor usually wears a shirt and tie, but seldom a coat or jacket. Mike Krzyewski or Coach K, of Duke, always wears a suit. It is important to note who does and when the suit jacket comes off. Coach K never removes his coat. GB takes his coat off when the game becomes tense. Geno A takes his off the first time he screams at the referees, which is usually in the first three minutes of the game.
On the women’s side, one can bet Tara Vanderveer and Holly Warlick of Stanford and Tennessee, respectively will wear a tasteful, yet drab suit. Karen Aston of Texas will wear a suit or slacks with a nice blouse.
Nicki Caldwell and Dawn Staley from LSU and South Carolina respectively will be styling regardless of what they are wearing.
Muffet McGraw of Notre Dame will wear a knee length, nun-approved straight or pencil skirt and a nice blouse, perhaps with a matching scarf. She will then wear six inch stiletto ho heels to offset the outfit. Somehow she manages to retain her balance and her dignity as she squats in front of the bench as the game is played.
You can bet Kim Mulkey of Baylor will wear a cutting, if not sometimes bleeding edge fashion. Where does one buy tight, black leather pants? Fifty-shades of Waco?
It is necessary to take a quick look at footwear. This is more so for the women’s coaches, but GB does sport a nice maroon suede pair of loafers on occasion. One can bet every female coach mentioned so far will have on shoes that display the most current fashion sense, but reflect little of the common sense regarding footwear and comfort. Well, maybe not Vanderveer or Warlick.
And now the hair style.
Muffet McGraw’s is same pixie, leprechaun style she has worn since Clinton was president. Tara Vanderveer has probably worn her hair like that since she was five years old. Karen Aston has a really good hair dresser. With everbody else, it’s a surprise. And especially with Caldwell and Staley and maybe Mulkey.
The opposite holds true on the men’s side for coaches’ hair styles. Some of those hair styles have not changed since Ronald Reagan was president. I bet Georgia women’s coach Andy Landers’ hair has not moved since Reagan was president. Neither has Coach K’s or Mathew Mitchell of Kentucky women’s team.
One should pay attention to all jewelry worn. It tends to range from tasteful to gaudy to “wow, I did not know necklaces or earrings could be that big.”
These topics are sometimes half-time report discussions, so be prepared. Tomorrow – What is a Bracket and How Do I Fill One Out?