Monday, November 7, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
Backstory for the new kids on the blog – I write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. If your team is not mentioned let me know and I take it under consideration.
First from the West Coast – USC versus Oregon – I don’t even know the score, but you both receive the Rubber Duck Award.
Next on the list we have the Small 12 Conference or The Land of No Defenses.
THE University of Texas survived the plains of Lubbock with a victory over Tortilla Tech. (THE University 45 TT 37.) My favorite team is whoever is playing Tech.
Oklahoma State 43 K-State 37. Mullet Mike and The Cowboys survive. Both of you win a Poopy Undies Award for scaring your fans.
The Kick Off to Tip Off Awards goes to Baylor and TCU for posting a basketball score of TCU 62 Baylor 22 on the opening weekend of college basketball season. And the score was not the only Uglies coming from Waco.
An Ugly Uniform Award goes to Baylor. Fifty shades of Waco is not becoming. Gray is not colorful. Neither is black as in the black cloud of ugly that seems to be a stationary front over the institution. Therefore, Baylor also receives the Frozen Award – Let It Go!
Look, Bears Pooping in the Woods, it is bad enough without constant reminders of ugly. Please do not hang dirty laundry out your windows. Who gets the sales from the T-shirts?Focus on the low level bowl game invitation you will now receive.
Letting go of that, let’s move on to the Top 10 and the SEC where games are more exciting and stressful.
The Bringing Home the Alligator Bacon goes to the Hogs of Arkansas! (Arkansas 31 Florida 10) Sooey Pig over 11th ranked Florida. Another favorite team is whoever is playing any school from Florida.
To players Chip Kelly of Ole Miss; Trevor Knight and Myles Garrett of Texas A&M, the Nebraska QB and all the others: All of you receive the Heal Quickly Award. Will miss you next weekend, Chip. I wanted to see you play against the Aggies.
And now the top tiered top ten college football awards. These 10 teams are listed according to today’s AP listings. Tomorrow we see who The Selection Committee votes for the Who’s In Top Four. Larry Culpepper and Dr. Pepper seem to be winning above all the others.
# 1 Alabama and LSU – (Bama 10 – LSU 0) Please share the following awards:
- Best Football Game of the Weekend
- A Special Edition of Poopy Undies Award
- The “I Did Not Know I Could Hold My Breath for 47 Minutes” Award.
- Defense – please share your videos with schools of the schools of the Small 12 Conference and perhaps these others listed below.
# 2 Michigan Maryland (Michigan 59 MD 3.) Michigan wins the Turtle Wax Award for waxing the Terrapins. Wolverines like turtles.
# Clemson and Syracuse (Clemson 54 Syracuse 0) – Clemson Wins the Too Much Orange on the Field Award.
# 4 Washington and Cal (formerly known as Berkley.) (Washington 66 Cal 27) Huskies receive the In the Right Rankings Now Award.
# 5 Louisville and Boston College (Louisville 52 BC 7) – Lamar Looking Heisman Good Award.
# 6 Ohio State and Nebraska (Ohio State 62 Nebraska 3) – The Huskers receive the Fun While It Lasted Award. Corn headwear really looks stupid when you lose to a nut named Bucky.
The Really Don’t Deserve an Award goes to the following:
# 7 Wisconsin and Northwestern (Wisconsin 21 Northwestern 7) – Badgers preparing for a bowl game where it is warm.
# 8 AUBURN? AUBURN! A hair color? You beat Vanderbilt by a touchdown 23 – 16! ROLL TIDE!
# 9 OU versus Iowa State (OU 34 Iowa State 24) – Bedlam is coming soon and The Cowboys are coming with it!
Coming in at # 10 is Texas A&M – where the Aggies should have been in the first place. (Texas A&M 28 Mississippi State 35) What a shipwreck in Starksville.
Aggies you receive a Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Award because we sucked as bad as the referees. Even I saw the block in the back on Captain Kirk’s punt return. Aggies win Pooper Scooper Award for leaving lots of it on the field.
Nevertheless, “We are the Aggies; the Aggies are we…” and we do not lose – time on the clock runs out. We got your back, Jake!
Tomorrow we see who the College Football Selection Committee votes for and who the citizens of The United States of America votes for. Please do not forget to cast your ballot. PS – we do not get to vote with the Selection Committee.