AYUHSOO – Day Two – Grade Five

Place: The As Yet Unnamed Home School Of One – Day Two of School

Fifth Grade

Good Morning, Boys and Girls! Today we begin our practice sessions for the state assessments. That is a really big word and a deep money pit industry called tests. Today we are going practice our writing skills.

In just a moment, I will give you the assignment, also call The Prompt, on the white board. Please note this is not a racist statement. It is the name of the board. Besides for years it was called a blackboard and no body complained. Then you have the rest of the day to write an essay answering the prompt.

Pay attention to punctuation and spelling. Write in complete sentences. You will not have to demonstrate these critical skills in other content areas, including other tests in language arts.

Those of you who do not speak English may read the prompt in Spanish, or any one of eight languages available, on the board in the back of the classroom.

Those of you who are unable to read at all, sit quietly until the special education people come by which might be next month.

Now stand up and pledge allegiance to the Texas flag as required by state law.

Okay.

Listen carefully as I read EXACTLY, word for word, from the state approval testing instructional manual. I will read the prompt in English only.

“Tell about something you did the week before school started.”

Let me remind you this is VERY important. Your ability to pass these tests is very important to your future. Those of you who are unable to pass these assessments will probably not be very successful in life. Good luck.

The Week Before School Started

The week before school started I went to see a movie. It was called Eat, Pray and Love. It starred Julie Roberts. She is pretty.

It is about this woman who goes to Italy and eats a lot of spaghetti. Then she goes to India to pray at Hindu temples. I think they were Hindu. There were these blue statues with four arms at the door. It might have been Smurfs. I am glad she did not go to India to eat. With all due respect, their food tastes like crap.

Then she went to Bali to love. Bali is where they have tsunamis. I don’t know that I would have gone to an island named after a bra. I would rather go to Hawaii and they kinda look the same. But she meets a man and falls in love and they leave on a boat. He was that creepy evil man in No Country For Old Men. I liked him better in this movie.

That was the end. My conclusion is: If she had gone to India and it had a tsunami, she could have prayed with the Swami Tsunami.